Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Acronyms can be Scary

Girl whose Identity should be protected: how you livin?
Runner of Blog: not too bad
Girl whose Identity should be protected: same
Girl whose Identity should be protected: just tired
Girl whose Identity should be protected: have the mother in law staying with me tonight
Girl whose Identity should be protected: she wants to hang out
Runner of Blog: hahahah nice
Girl whose Identity should be protected: yeah its exactly what im looking forward to when im tired and bitchy from pmsing
Runner of Blog: our relationship isn't there
Girl whose Identity should be protected: does the term pms scare you?
Girl whose Identity should be protected: they're letters for god sake
Runner of Blog: thats like saying - USA - are just letters
Runner of Blog: or WMD
Runner of Blog: or TNT
Runner of Blog: they stand for something
Runner of Blog: something bigger than the letters - something scarier
Girl whose Identity should be protected: OMG
Runner of Blog: you have known me for approximately 15 years
Runner of Blog: is this conversation a shock to you
Girl whose Identity should be protected: STD
Girl whose Identity should be protected: PMS
Runner of Blog: ooo STD is a good one
Runner of Blog: AIDS
Runner of Blog: just letters!?? My ass
Girl whose Identity should be protected: the HIV
Girl whose Identity should be protected: RIP
Girl whose Identity should be protected: IRS
Girl whose Identity should be protected: am i really freaking you out now?
Runner of Blog: in conclusion PMS sucks

Thursday, March 6, 2008

More evidence against Life Insurance Queen

Runner of Blog: what up buddy
Life Insurance Queen: i just saw the most amazing thing
Runner of Blog: midget fucking a porn star?
Life Insurance Queen: this 11 year old chinese kid on the Ellen Degeneres show just played the hardest song on the most advanced level of guitar hero, and just kicked its ass
Runner of Blog: stop watching ellen
Runner of Blog: fag

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Please provide a witty title in the comments section

Runner of Blog: i'll be out at 830 to 930 i think, but home after that and before that
Glass Selling Jew: sounds kinda shady - what exactly will you be doing between 830 and 930?
Runner of Blog: krav maga
Glass Selling Jew: ahh
Glass Selling Jew: ok ok
Runner of Blog: hahahah
Runner of Blog: thats ok?
Glass Selling Jew: i guess
Runner of Blog: cause its Iserali? huh
Glass Selling Jew: yes
Glass Selling Jew: jews are smart
Glass Selling Jew: and they kick ass
Glass Selling Jew: ive always told u that u were pretty much a jew
Glass Selling Jew: this is, like exhibit Q
Runner of Blog: lol
Runner of Blog: what is exhibit F?
Glass Selling Jew: lawyer
Runner of Blog: Exhibit L?
Glass Selling Jew: u live in Syosset
Runner of Blog: fuck
Runner of Blog: c?
Glass Selling Jew: shitload of Jewish friends
Runner of Blog: B?
Glass Selling Jew: u deal in wealth preservation
Glass Selling Jew: ie- handling ppls money
Runner of Blog: Damn it
Runner of Blog: I am going to have to oppose your argument
Runner of Blog: Exhibit "A" certain atomoical features (I mean Size but he didn't get it)
Runner of Blog: Exhibit "B" Fan of jesus
Glass Selling Jew: im pretty sure that Evan is even a Jewish name
Glass Selling Jew: having your foreskin does make u less Jewish, ur overwhelming compensation in all other areas make up for it
Glass Selling Jew: (this is an assumption)
Glass Selling Jew: lol
Runner of Blog: lol
Runner of Blog: i don't have foreskin! i was talking about size weirdo
Glass Selling Jew: haha ok
Glass Selling Jew: so u were circumcised
Glass Selling Jew: that would actually be exhibit A
Runner of Blog: most people are circumcised
Glass Selling Jew: Really? I think this just further tips the scales toward Jewdom

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Who is better than Wanna Be Doctor? Be true to thyself

Runner of Blog: what up tough guy
Wanna be Doctor: sup tough guy - whats the dillio
Runner of Blog: nothing crazy just living
Wanna be Doctor: not bad
Wanna be Doctor: whats new
Runner of Blog: somoeone's gotta keep the rich richer
Wanna be Doctor: ur fighting the good fight
Wanna be Doctor: my man
Wanna be Doctor: keep it going
Runner of Blog: Someone has to stand up for the silent minority
Wanna be Doctor: tis true
Runner of Blog: if not me? then who? someone who will give the government more money at death! I THINK NOT
Runner of Blog: i can't live with that on my conscious
Wanna be Doctor: a true humanitarian - thats all i can say
Runner of Blog: Thanks buddy
Runner of Blog: similarly, I am sure thats why you are going into rehab medicine
Wanna be Doctor: very true, the weakest members of society i need to watch over them
Wanna be Doctor: faughn them back to civilization
Runner of Blog: not so you can selfishly fulfill your desire to help that poor illegal immigrant worker who has fallen, but rather you selflessly put yourself on the line to help those housewives who slipped on a ptach of ice and need to be massaged back to health
Wanna be Doctor: add quality to their life
Runner of Blog: We Rule
Wanna be Doctor: we do, don't we
Wanna be Doctor: the difference is one day i hope to use your services, while i hope that u never need mine

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tall Blonde has daddy issues

Tall Blonde from Home: i remember the day my dad found the funnel i made
Tall Blonde from Home: he looked so pissed
Tall Blonde from Home: and then he turns and says....
Tall Blonde from Home: ((in a great big grissly bear voice)) "youre not thinking of drinking my good beer (that you stole) out of that thing...are you? Cause that would be wasting good beer)
Tall Blonde from Home: coolest dad comment ever
Runner of Blog: WOW
Tall Blonde from Home: it was classic really
Runner of Blog: that is amazing, but i am not sure it was good as when my dad told me my mom was greek by injection
Tall Blonde from Home: hahahahahahah[
Runner of Blog: akward
Tall Blonde from Home: no kidding
Tall Blonde from Home: ive had awkward moment with papa shigo too
Tall Blonde from Home: i was so wasted once that i took a shower with my clothes on...and proceed to step out and get my foot stuck in the toliet bowl
Tall Blonde from Home: and jen was reacting so loud that my dad came up to see what was wrong and poor papa shigo had to pull my foot out of the toliet
Tall Blonde from Home: and just looks and me and says "we wont be telling your mother about this...ok?"

Glass Selling Jew - Not a Jew???

Runner of Blog: http://www.retrojunk.com/details_articles/2733/
Glass Selling Jew: that link u sent isnt loading
Glass Selling Jew: i keep tryin to click it
Runner of Blog: i hate you then
Glass Selling Jew: u were adopted
Glass Selling Jew: the thought of u makes me want to punch babies in the throat
Glass Selling Jew: still not workin homey
Runner of Blog: your fault
Glass Selling Jew: it was probably working b4 u went to the page and now it isnt
Glass Selling Jew: that means u broke it
Glass Selling Jew: cockboy
Runner of Blog: you broke it cause you don't love jesus
Glass Selling Jew: jesus was a jew
Runner of Blog: you killed him and thats why the website won't work
Glass Selling Jew: anyone worth anything knows that scientology is the only one true religion, and that all the other ones are just bs
Glass Selling Jew: im still a level 4 thetan
Glass Selling Jew: im trying to make it to a level 7
Glass Selling Jew: im sooo close i can feel it
Glass Selling Jew: almost fully cleanse
Glass Selling Jew: they say for another $86,000 i should be fully clear
Runner of Blog: this got really weird
Glass Selling Jew: i take it that u do not share my religious beliefs
Glass Selling Jew: you will see the light

Did you take your vitamins?

Fraternity Brother #1: whered you go buddy

Runner of Blog: got busy sorry - nothing against you

Fraternity Brother #1: its ok- its only hurt feelings, no worries

Runner of Blog: hahahhaha none for me to worry about

Runner of Blog: i was pissing today and got pissed off cause the color of my urine was clear

Runner of Blog: i took a multi vitamin and when it doesn't change colors i get pissed cause i figure its not working

Fraternity Brother #1: im the oppositie, i get angry when its yellow, but now i see your anger

Runner of Blog: very frustrating

Next Day


Fraternity Brother #1: hahahahahahaha, mine was as clear as Maine spring

Runner of Blog: bet you didn't you take your multivitamin?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

26 Years Old does not mean you know how to take a piss

Fraternity Brother #1: what up wasnt paying attention today at work while I pissed and got it on my shirt
Runner of Blog: HAHAHAH really?
Fraternity Brother #1: yeah, i stink - literally
Runner of Blog: thats amazing...was it a splash back situation? or literally pissed on your hanging shirt
Fraternity Brother #1: just the shirt hanging down lower then i thought, and it took me a second to realize it
Runner of Blog: white shirt? is it yellow now
Fraternity Brother #1: blue shirt, it was a clear water piss, so ill live
Runner of Blog: considering my "specialness" whent it comes to pissing and drinking I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT
Fraternity Brother #1: hahhahahahaha never?
Runner of Blog: well none that i can remember

Another installment of Weird Friend

Weird Friend who only signs online to make of me is online

Weird Friend who only signs online to make of me: you little shit you

Weird Friend who only signs online to make of me is offline

This was in the span of 1 min.


Runner of Blog: alright think we are going to rock out "X" for bachelor party
Smooth as Sandpaper: ok cool
Runner of Blog: but you aren't invited
Smooth as Sandpaper: thas fine, i wasn't coming to your wedding anyway -i was just using u as an excuse to go to vegas
Runner of Blog: wow thats fucked up
Smooth as Sandpaper: thas fucked up? u telling me that im not invited isn't?
Runner of Blog: because you will always be invited to the wedding regardless of losing the invite to the bachelor party
Smooth as Sandpaper: this is a miserable conversation
Runner of Blog: damn it you are right - its going no where
Runner of Blog: maybe we can talk again later
Runner of Blog: although its pretty mature that we can accept that
Smooth as Sandpaper: maybe, hopefully it is a happier conversation
Runner of Blog: although its pretty mature that we can accept that the conversation sucked
Runner of Blog: I am downright impressed with us
Runner of Blog: just as easy could have turned into me calling you a douchebag
Smooth as Sandpaper: and me calling you a dirty goatfucker
Runner of Blog: but we are lucky it didn't go there
Smooth as Sandpaper: yes we are

Monday, February 11, 2008

I Love Garlic Powder

Fraternity Brother #1: how was the weekend?
Runner of Blog: good...fun
Fraternity Brother #1: end up getting sloppy?
(I went to visit the Fiance's Sister for her Boyfriend's birthday)
Runner of Blog: a little bit
Runner of Blog: we got an entire pie of pizza on the way home - i stole a bowl of garlic powder - came out from the pizza place running with a full bowl and their spoon
Runner of Blog: woke up on the gf's sister's couch fully clothed
Fraternity Brother #1: by day youre a fancy lawyer working with high priced clients and fancy man planning a wedding, by night youre a garlic powder stealing degenerate
Runner of Blog: When i woke up I looked in the pizza box there were 3 slices left, so I asked everyone if they happen to have any....
Runner of Blog: They said no...but i am hoping they were lying
Fraternity Brother #1: Probably not

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

A little insight into my politics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer , and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1.The sixth would pay $3.The seventh would pay $7.The eighth would pay $12.The ninth would pay $18.The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." Drinks for the ten now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).The se venth now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!""Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!""That's true" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is exactly how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I have no idea who Tall Blonde From Home is

Tall Blonde From Home: the neighbors will think im wicked intellectual

Runner of Blog: F U

Runner of Blog: who the hell do you think you are using wicked in a conversation


Tall Blonde From Home: hahhahahahah

Runner of Blog: MY LORD I am so dissapointed in you

Tall Blonde From Home: ive adopted my foreign tongue

Tall Blonde From Home: well i have to admit it was hard to let go of, but dropping FUCKEN in business meetings is just not affective

Tall Blonde From Home: i figure wicked is a distance more polite cousin

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Tall Blonde From Home has some real problems with those that aren't as tall as her

Tall Blonde From Home: so somehow on nye i ended up with a massive bruise on my thigh
Tall Blonde From Home: it even hurts when i walk
Tall Blonde From Home: i hate when i dont remember those tihngs happening
Runner of Blog: HAHAHAHAHAH those are the worst
Runner of Blog: cause you question who you are or think you are
Tall Blonde From Home: oh totally or where i was for that matter
Tall Blonde From Home: im pretty sure that i was standing up most of the night, so unless i walked into a piece of furniture...im totally stumped
Runner of Blog: maybe some midget came in and fucking jumped kicked your ass
Tall Blonde From Home: yeah....thats what happened
Tall Blonde From Home: it must have been the same midgit thta broke one of my good champagne glasses
Runner of Blog: son of a bitch small person
Tall Blonde From Home: i hate small people
Tall Blonde From Home: what a waste of sperm
Runner of Blog: WOW
Tall Blonde From Home: yeah i went there
Runner of Blog: incredible

My buddy needs a new his priorities checked!

Life Insurance Queen: so i got a late present last night in the mail - to me...from me
Runner of Blog: russian mail order bride?
Life Insurance Queen: hahah almost better
Runner of Blog: REALLY?!
Life Insurance Queen: new blackberry curve
Runner of Blog: ummmm thats better?
Life Insurance Queen: i said ALMOST
Runner of Blog: really? almost
Life Insurance Queen: well i weighed out the pros and cons to everything....upsides - curve is just fuckin cool v. having a permanent sex slave....downsides - curve can break v. bride can give me climidia
Runner of Blog: SEX SLAVE WINS you idiot
Life Insurance Queen: yes, moron....that's why curve ALMOST won....not by a stretch though
Life Insurance Queen: lemme ask you this - if i were to say, wii or ps3...how would that fair?
Runner of Blog: is THE Fiance ok with the mail order bride?
Life Insurance Queen: maybe??
Runner of Blog: well that makes a HUGE difference in my analysis
Runner of Blog: if Jen is ok with me having a sex slave and not giving me shit about a random russian broad in the closet there would be a different analysis
Life Insurance Queen: well you completely ruined all excitement i had about this blackberryLife
Insurance Queen: im going to go curl up into a ball and play brickbreaker
Runner of Blog: yeah sounds much better than having sex and then beating your russian mail order chick
Life Insurance Queen: THAT'S IT!, I'm throwing this piece of shit in the garbage!!!!!!
Runner of Blog: first make a call
Runner of Blog: to RUSSIA

Life Insurance Queen: so i returned the curve already...svetlana will be arriving next tuesday

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Don't Question Runner of Blog

Fraternity Brother #1: youre not gonna do one of those joint parties are you? like where you and your group go to vegas, but the Fiance and her group also go to vegas at the sametime
Runner of Blog: come on dude
Fraternity Brother #1: GF's boss (a chick) who is getting hitched this weekend, her and her fiance did that. i told him he was a giant fruit
Runner of Blog: does that even sound like me
Fraternity Brother #1: i had to check
Runner of Blog: come on dude
Fraternity Brother #1: ok i apologize for even asking. but people do weird shit when it comes to bachelor parties
Runner of Blog: the only weird thing i'll be doing - is being awesome
Fraternity Brother #1: thats what i want to hear

Fraternity Brother's Girlfriend is Skating on thin Ice

Fraternity Brother #1: the woman went to the grocery store on sunday while i was driving back from nj, so i rattled off some shit i wanted for dinner, cause she isnt home any of the nights this week, so im on my own. so one of the things i wanted was sausages, 1. to make a meat sauce, 2. to make sausage and peppers
Fraternity Brother #1: and what does she bring home, organic vegan sausage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Runner of Blog: VEGAN
Runner of Blog: that fucking bitch
Runner of Blog: i am so angry with her
Fraternity Brother #1: how do you think i felt..........meatless sausage, i mean do the fucking math on that
Fraternity Brother #1: it cant be good, like doesnt even have a chance at being good
Runner of Blog: that is so fucking nasty
Runner of Blog: and selfish of her
Fraternity Brother #1: and shes like im just tryen to help you be healthy......and thats fine, thats nice i appreciate it. but if you want me to be healthy get a couple of apples, dont get me meatless meat

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I HATE Fraternity Brother #1

Runner of Blog: Future Father in Law made fun that I always bring cake to tailgating. So I explained to him "Its a personal issue - I am willing to accept that I have a problem, but when you take a bite of an oreo cake and wash it down with some ice cold beer, before 12pm...you'll see!"
Fraternity Brother #1: you bring cake to a tailgate? fag
Runner of Blog: dude i've been doing it for years
Fraternity Brother #1: so youve been gay for years, thats cool
Runner of Blog: WOW
Runner of Blog: oreo cake and beer! what could be better?
Fraternity Brother #1: if brought by a woman, fine whatever. but not by a dude
Runner of Blog: dessert after bbq
Fraternity Brother #1: quite frankly if youre gonna do a desert after a bbq it should be a deepfried twinkie or a deep fried oreo
Fraternity Brother #1: not a cake
Fraternity Brother #1: do you make the cake with a cute apron?
Runner of Blog: fuck you - I buy it
Fraternity Brother #1: i can picture you prancing up to the tailgate, with a cake in a box holding it by those fruity strings they wrap around a bakery box
Fraternity Brother #1: stick to what youre good at and bring beer
Runner of Blog: but i do bring beer also
Fraternity Brother #1: you're so hurt right now, arent you?
Runner of Blog: yes i am
Fraternity Brother #1: by beer do you mean wine coolers?
Fraternity Brother #1: im not dissing cake, cake is great. but for it to be a guys contribution at a tailgate, eh
Runner of Blog: u act like thats all i eat - we have burgers, steak, hot dogs, and sometimes sausage
Runner of Blog: lots and lots of beer
Fraternity Brother #1: im not doubting your ability to consume the deliciousness that is tailgate food, or even questioning the amount of beer you can drink (which id never do)
Fraternity Brother #1: what i am saying is that when it comes to a tailgate, everyone brings something. the last thing id do if i was apart of a tailgate is jump up and say, "ill bring the cake!'
Fraternity Brother #1: fuck, if all the meats and rolls and beer was accounted for, then id rather bring 70 bags of dorritos, but never would i volunteer cake
Fraternity Brother #1: let me take you through an exchange shannon and i had when planning a tailgate for jimmy buffett......
Fraternity Brother #1: Fraternity Brother #1's gf: "What should we have for desert? Fraternity Brother #1 aka Man: i dont give a shit. more beer?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Lets Delve deeper into the psyche of Fraternity Brother #1

Fraternity Brother #1: my mother was tellen me a story from when i was in grade school.....

Fraternity Brother #1: the teacher asked everyone what they wanted to be when they grew up, and everyone said doctor, lawyer, teacher something like that....

Fraternity Brother #1: my answer was, 'i wanted to be a hammock sailsmen in key west'..... and the teacher was concerned that i didnt have the aspirations of others so my mom had to be brought in for a conference

Fraternity Brother #1: to this day my mom doesnt understand where at the young age i had learned about key west, but i was an odd kid

Fraternity Brother #1: her favorite story to tell of me is from kindgergarden another parent teacher conference that was called. we were all coloring in class, and i put my crayons down. and walked over to her desk and took her newspaper and sat down and started looking at it. clearly i didnt know how to read at the age of 5, but i was just looking at it.....

Fraternity Brother #1: the teacher came over and asked what i was doing and why wasnt i coloring. and she said i put the paper down in a huff, like she was bothering me and said, 'lets be honest. coloring and staying the line won't help me get in a good college. clearly more can be learned from reading a newspaper then from coloring goofy.' and i picked the paper up and started reading/looking at it.

Fraternity Brother #1: so my mom had to be brought in because i wasnt following the rest of the class

Fraternity Brother #1: very odd, i think it came from a lot of tv watching

Runner of Blog: I am feeling the movie cocktail was in there some where

Fraternity Brother #1: it was, loved that movie as a kid - totally, i remember watching that flick, commando, rambo, and the terminator over and over as a kid

Runner of Blog: i hope your parents put more love into your sister

Welcome Sensitive Guido Guy

Sensitive Guido Guy: what is your percentage now - avin is in (Referring to my Homecoming Appearance despite my advanced age)

Runner of Blog: i am 100% - because "Buddy not on blog yet" is going to come with me

Sensitive Guido Guy: thats serious

Runner of Blog: and if it sucks he'll drive me home or drive me to a location that doesn't suck

Sensitive Guido Guy: it probably will so lets get wasted quick

Sensitive Guido Guy: u always get chauffered around - how do you do that? your like miss daisy

Runner of Blog: hahahaha

Sensitive Guido Guy: or a mob gangster

Runner of Blog: because people know that i will sit home or sleep on a curb before driving home drunk

Sensitive Guido Guy: you should have buddy drive you in a black lincoln and sit in the back

Runner of Blog: and scream racist things at buddy?

Sensitive Guido Guy: hahahah


Runner of Blog: hahahahaha - if it does suck you can leave with me and crash at my condo

Sensitive Guido Guy: that soundsed semi gay

Runner of Blog: really? i meant it in the straightest way

Sensitive Guido Guy: hahah

Runner of Blog: i have 2 different rooms with 2 different beds or 3 walk in closets you can sleep in

Runner of Blog: you could theoretically have 3 doors between us that I would have open up before I cuddled with you

Sensitive Guido Guy: wow