Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Ahhh......Tall Blonde's Crazy Mom and Mexicans

Tall Blonde from Home: i mean...in comparison to my wacky mother....his parents are compltely fucking normal
[09:27] Runner of Blog: don't you dare talk shit about your dad - that bear like creature is a wonderful person
Tall Blonde from Home: not him....but his wife, shes a certified looney toon
[09:28] Runner of Blog: i thought i was done for at your wedding when his claws came after me (Note that Tall blonde's father is like 6'11 LITERALLY - the man is more beast than human)
Tall Blonde from Home: did i ever tell you about the mexicans
[09:28] Runner of Blog: the mexicans? well i do know they are an industrious people living south of this great country of ours - their main exports are cheap labor, child prostitutes and drugs
Runner of Blog: they cater to spring breakers who do not like "laws"
Tall Blonde from Home: hahahah this is very true. My story is not about actual live mexicans though
Runner of Blog: despite living in an arid wasteland of a country they are surprisingly good at lawn maintenance
Tall Blonde from Home: they do know a thing or two about proper fertilizing. God bless them and their crab grass killing ways
Tall Blonde from Home: anyway.,....back to my story
Tall Blonde from Home: so the parents come to visit me and the husband in san fran a few years back.... and i have to mention that my mother has this new hobby of passing off other peoples old shit as gifts. She calls it "antiqueing"
Tall Blonde from Home: i call it shit giving
Tall Blonde from Home: so she shows up...to my VERY modern california loft with a gift and there they are....3 1 foot tall paper mache mexican statues
Tall Blonde from Home: now....i'm trying to contain my utter confusion as to why in gods name shes giving them to me...and just say thanks and try not to make a big deal over them because as i learned in an earlier shit giving experience, that the more you excited you seem about this crap...the more you get
Tall Blonde from Home: so a few months go by, and im home visiting for thanksgiving, and voila...shes managed to find 4 more shitty paper mache mexicans
Tall Blonde from Home: at this point im just at a loss for words
Tall Blonde from Home: first of all...who is donating these shitty ugly, scary looking statues on a regular basis...and how is my mother the only person on this planet whos buying them. it doesnt stop at thanksgiving though....shortly there after we get two more in the mail
Runner of Blog: i am crying at work
Runner of Blog: SHE IS MAILING THEM!
Tall Blonde from Home: so if you can count...at this point we have 9 FUCKING GODN AWFUL mexicans in our possesion so whats the next obvious step?
Runner of Blog: more
Tall Blonde from Home: well for christmas we reenact the nativity under our christmas tree using our newfound mexican village
Runner of Blog: HAHAHAH are they cutting your grass? cleaning up baby Jesus' shit
Tall Blonde from Home: absolutely fucking priceless
Runner of Blog: speaking broken english as you beat them for not wiping baby Jesus properly
Tall Blonde from Home: hahahahahhaha if i could have,....i would have made them clean up all the pine needle shit...because thats their fortay
Tall Blonde from Home: so these things became the running joke of the complex....which was fine and good but now that we're about to get a house, im just waiting for the moment that my mother gets there and wonders where the godn damn mexicans are
Tall Blonde from Home: and why they're not displayed and that my friend...is why my mother is a looney toon
Runner of Blog: thats incredible where did the mexicans go
Runner of Blog: besides 12 to a low riding car
Tall Blonde from Home: they are buried in a box....in the depths of our storage, i can only pray to go that some hungry mice got to them
Tall Blonde from Home: i even tried to see if i could sell them on ebay
Runner of Blog: hmmm smart call
Tall Blonde from Home: but of course their not worth a dime
Runner of Blog: maybe you can sell them to "Weird Friend that signs online just to make fun of me" and he can start a little village of his people (Weird Friend is of South American Decent - not mexican though)
Tall Blonde from Home: AHAHAHAHAH
Runner of Blog: he can name them after his cousins
Tall Blonde from Home: then maybe i should ask my mom to start looking for more, lord knows those mexicans know how to reproduce

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